Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
