You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
