i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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