found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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