member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
