when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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