I smell stomach acid.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sext me about skeletons
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
