Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
