We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Small penises have feelings too.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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