did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
