thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
