Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
