Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
