careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
