Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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