I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
