So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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