Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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