the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
