in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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