I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
