I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
