he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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