My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
