Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(907): View more from Alaska

He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(417): View more from Missouri

so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself

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