i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.