I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.