Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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