So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
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I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."