He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself