Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
