My room smells like vodka and shame
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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