woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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