I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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