So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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