OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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