I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
