My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
