I look better un-naked...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
