Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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