who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
