True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
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Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
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All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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