does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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