The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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