i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize