i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
