bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Enjoy the penises
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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