the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize