Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
