Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
