She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
