I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
