Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
worst night to have a conscience
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
