ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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