where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize