is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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