we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
