I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
