If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My bed smells like the plague
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
