She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
