Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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