You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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