My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
