Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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