My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
