Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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