oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
