when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
