How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
