Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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